finding joy
Joy and happiness are often used interchangeably, but there is actually a big difference between them.
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Happiness is typically described as a positive emotional state triggered by external events (people, places and things). Happiness is largely based on circumstances.
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Joy comes from within. It is a deep feeling of contentment and peace. It is not shaken by external events and can even be born from suffering. “Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be all right, and the determined choice to praise God in all things.” (Kay Warren)
Even though joy and happiness have a lot in common, one thing that they don’t have in common is one is permanent while the other is fleeting. One is from God and one is from us. One can come and go but the other will remain. And the biggest difference: Joy is a choice, the level of joy you experience is totally up to you!
live in the present
Living in the present is where joy can be found. Dwelling on negative past events or worrying about the future sap our happiness and our energy. Being in the present moment, or the “here and now,” means that we are fully aware and mindful of what is happening at this very moment. Being fully engaged in an activity is sometimes referred to as “whole-hearted”, when we invest our whole heart in a conversation or activity, time seems to fly by, our connection with others improves and our happiness increases. This wisdom is multicultural, check out these quotes from some pretty famous people:
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“If you are depressed, you are living in the past, if you are anxious, you are living in the future, if you are at peace, you are living in the present.”- Lao Tzu
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“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” – Buddha
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“There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow, so today is the right day to love, believe, do and mostly live.”- Dalai Lama
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“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things.” – Jesus
Comparison trap
“Comparison Is the Thief of Joy.” – is a famous quote by Theodore Roosevelt. The urge to compare oneself to another goes all the way back to Cain and Abel and that didn’t work out so well. According to Robert Puff Ph. D. as written in Psychology Today: “When we compare ourselves to others, we rob ourselves of our own happiness. Through comparison, we either feel a sense of inferiority or superiority, and either route you take does not create lasting happiness…When we don’t give into the comparison game, we have the opportunity to refocus our attention on ourselves, and to live a life that best represents our dreams and passions. When we choose to not let comparison dictate the way we see ourselves, the only person’s opinion that matters, in the end, is our own. Here we’re able to live our life to the fullest, one day at a time.” God has created each of us with unique talents and abilities, we weren’t meant to compare ourselves to others, God doesn’t and we shouldn’t either.
forgivEness
Ruminating on past hurts is very harmful, we need to let go of those hurts. Joyful people forgive themselves and grant it to others. According to WebMD: “Forgiveness may bring enormous benefits to the person who gives that gift, according to recent research. If you can bring yourself to forgive… you are likely to enjoy lower blood pressure, a stronger immune system, and a drop in the stress hormones circulating in your blood, studies suggest. Back pain, stomach problems, and headaches may disappear. And you'll reduce the anger, bitterness, resentment, depression, and other negative emotions that accompany the failure to forgive.” The evidence affirms that when we forgive, we are the biggest beneficiary. Forgiving is not forgetting what happened, nor is it necessarily reconciliation with the offender…it is your unilateral choosing to “cancel a debt” and in doing so, you are setting yourself free! (Also see Ephesians 4:32 in the Bible)
boundaries
Joyful people have boundaries. Just like the physical property line in the picture, we need to implement and control a property line for our time, choices, and resources. Joyful people control their own personal space and choose who they will let in and who they will not. Too often I have dealt with clients and loved ones who due to a lack of personal boundaries are manipulated, guilted in to doing things they don’t want, or controlled by others who will “get angry” with them if they don’t do what they want. Sure, everyone wants to be liked and we should certainly be considerate of others we care about, but boundaries are needed when you no longer feel you are free to make your own choices in life. You cannot make someone angry, if you decide to do something that you really want, contrary to someone else’s wishes, their anger is on them and it is usually due to their self-centeredness, irresponsibility or immaturity. Having boundaries means that you are responsible for and in control of your life. This will allow you the time and freedom to pursue your own desires and make the most of your God given talents.
gratitude
Gratitude is our brain’s super cure. According to Harvard University Medical School: “In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.” We need to contemplate on a daily basis the things we are grateful for. Create a mental list or record it in a journal the things that happened that day that you are grateful for. Also, we need focus on expressing gratitude to those we encounter that we appreciate, showing sincere gratitude goes a very long way to brighten other people’s day and we will find the secondary benefit of increasing our own joy.